Coming Attractions: Suspiria

Coming Attractions: Suspiria

So. The first Suspiria trailer is out (and has been out for a few weeks now, I know, but cut me some slack here). We Who Walk Here typically look askance at horror remakes, especially remakes of masterpieces like Dario Argento’s Suspiria, but I’m actually kind of intrigued by this teaser trailer. Take a look:

What I find so fascinating is that it looks a lot like a ’70s European horror movie, but it doesn’t look a damn thing like Suspiria. If it weren’t for the title card I would have no clue what movie this was advertising. Frankly, I think that was a smart move on the part of director Luca Guadagnino and cinematographer Sayombhu Mukdeeprom. No one could possibly compete with the Grand Guignol Technicolor insanity that was director Argento and cinematographer Luciano Tovoli’s original film, so opting for a palette of muted earth tones instead was the only way the new filmmakers might even have a chance of getting out from under the Maestro’s shadow.

Suspiria-Dario-Argento-Suzy-Red-Hallway
This is so gorgeous, I just want to lick my screen. Suspiria, 1977.

As for Thom Yorke’s score, it sounds cold, dark, and creepy, which fits right in with the trailer’s Cold War visuals. However, I think Yorke may suffer in comparison to his predecessors even more than Guadagnino and Mukdeeprom will. I like Radiohead as much as the next ’80s baby, but you’re not going to top Goblin’s terrifying prog rock masterpiece from the original film. You’re just not. WITCH! I mean, come on.

Suspiria-Dario-Argento-Witch!
WITCH! Suspiria, 1977.

I wouldn’t call myself cautiously optimistic about this remake, but I am cautiously not prematurely despising it. Like I said, I’m intrigued. It gives me a Wicker Man-meets What Have You Done to Solange?-meets The Beyond-except it’s starring Dakota Johnson vibe, which is weird as hell. And I love things that are weird as hell. I just hope it’s weird in all the right ways.

What say you, fiends? Do you have any hope for this being anything other than a complete travesty? Are there any Fifty Shades fans among you who know something about Dakota Johnson’s acting chops that I don’t? Are you like me and secretly kind of digging the shot with the woman slowly climbing up the door jamb? Give me your confessions.

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