Happy All Hallows’ Eve Eve, kiddies! Nothing scares me more than a good haunted house story, and I have three lined up today that I hope will have me cowering under my blanket and sleeping with the lights on. I’m sticking to my rules, so we’re starting with a movie I’ve never seen before:
- As always, spoiler alert.
- Nothing says “Welcome to your new job” quite like finding out that your predecessor vanished without a trace.
- This is the most obvious “You’re going to die here” tour I’ve ever seen.
- I’m with the kids. Decapitation is pretty funny.
- Anne is a shoo-in for the Evil Child Hall of Fame.
- Those damn rooms filled with white sheets covering everything scare the hell out of me.
- The Holy Ghost can’t be a dove because doves poo on windows. That is a strong theological argument right there.
- Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope. Doors that open and close on their own, pianos that play themselves, giant spooky-ass houses with mysterious bumps and whispers…time to leave, children!
- I had completely forgotten that Christopher Eccleston was in this.
- I know there’s some weird Gaslight thing going on with the servants, but I’m still rooting against Nicole Kidman right now.
- “Monsieur, would you like to dance?” Anne wants to wear her Communion dress to a French nightclub. Just when I think I don’t like her, she does something like that to make me love her again.
- Memento mori photography is so wonderfully creepy.
- Old lady jump scare!
- That’s kind of fun, turning the twist on its head a bit. “The servants were ghosts the whole time…AND the mother and children were ghosts the whole time…AND the creepy intruder ghosts were actually living people.” I’m laughing at the idea of the pitch meeting (“No, see, it’s different because there are two different groups of people who were ghosts the entire time”) but I really did enjoy it. The atmosphere was very creepy, and I love me some Gothic horror. I’m usually terrible at seeing twist endings coming, so please don’t laugh at me too much for not realizing what was going on.
- I’m glad I finally watched this. That was spooky and fun, and you know I’m all about the spooky fun times. Speaking of which, now it’s time for:
House on Haunted Hill
- Damn, the opening scream made me jump. And I’ve seen this movie a hundred times. Well played, Castle, well played.
- I really regret not walking down the aisle to this theme. “Ooooo-OOHHHHH-woo-AAAAAAAA.”
- If I were obscenely wealthy, I would have creepy haunted house parties every single day.
- Arsenic on the Rocks is the name of my debut spoken-word album.
- It’s not a party until a pompous doctor starts mansplaining about hysteria.
- ACID PIT!
- Old lady jump scare! Y’all, the first time I watched this movie, I jumped three feet in the air when that creepy old woman popped up and skateboarded away.
- STFU Nora. If there were ever a good candidate for the acid pit.
- I can’t believe I never realized that Ruth Bridgers is played by Robert Mitchum’s sister Julie. There’s quite a strong family resemblance.
- ”Would you care for a sedative?” I think Dr. Trent went to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College.
- Speaking of classic character actors, Elisha Cook, Jr. is a great soothsayer.
- That trick with the noose is amazing. Besides the acid pit, I think that’s my favorite part of the movie.
- Haunted organ!
- Get ready for the flying skeleton, kiddies. “Come with me, murderess. Come with me.” Aaaaaand ACID PIT!
- “They’re coming for me now. And then they’ll come for you.” Mwahahahaha.
- And now for this blog’s namesake.
- I love how the opening exposition is handled. It’s very efficient and very creepy.
- “The dead are not quiet in Hill House.”
- “In the night. In the dark.” Mrs. Dudley’s warnings send a chill through me.
- “I’m Theodora. Just Theodora.” When I first saw this movie, I had no idea that a turban was code for a lesbian character. I just thought Theo was cool and stylish.
- I have to go out for a while, but I’ll be back to finish this up. Stay creepy, fiends.