Happy Monday, fiends! I’m especially excited about today’s movie, because it is a prime example of the Piñata Principle: today’s monster comes to you from Blood Sand, AKA Killer Beach, AKA The Sand.
In the movie, a group of teenagers get drunk and stupid on a beach. The drunkest and most stupid among them find a giant creepy egg. Instead of staying as far away as possible from the giant creepy egg, they pick it up and present it to the group to use as kindling for their bonfire. As you do. After some annoying shaky-cam “Woo-hoo! Beach party!” moments (what is it with the Piñata Principle and annoying drunk kids on beaches?), we cut to The Next Morning.
Eight kids are sleeping it off in various locations on the beach: a picnic table, a car, a trash can…you know, the usual places. The designated topless girl gets off her picnic table and finds that her feet are stuck in the sand. A random dude tries to help her, but he finds himself stuck in the sand as well. Designated Topless Girl and Random Dude are eventually sucked down into the sand and killed. The remaining partiers realize that everyone else at the party must have been murdered by the sand as well, and they try to figure out how to escape without touching the sand.
The kids are killed off one by one by tiny little tentacles reaching out from the sand, until only two girls remain. They kill the sand monster, which turns out to be a giant jellyfish that lurks underneath sand and gobbles up unsuspecting teenagers. The final shot is of a huge jellyfish with another one of those giant creepy eggs moving toward the beach. DUN DUN DUN.
I don’t usually do quotes on Monster Monday, but I have to share my favorite line with you:
“The sand ate him! It devoured him! It was chemical! It was THE GOVERNMENT!”
Remember, fiends: Big Brother is watching, and he wants to kill you with a giant jellyfish sand monster. Remain vigilant, and just say no to giant creepy eggs.